Indescribably suffering is what is inside me. I can only speak for myself. And so I feel alone in the world. How can someone possibly understand how I feel? How can one possibly see inside my heart and understand my suffering and my joy?
Even if people wanted to understand me, they wouldn’t be able, too. What do I feel at this moment? I am not sad. What does even mean? Depressed? I am a bit depressed that is not the right word. Apprehensive? I am almost all the feelings combined. Why does it feel like any adjective could describe my situation at the moment?
Am I happy? What does that mean? I am happy I am writing this. Because I’ve been meaning to for a long time. Do people really know each other even in the longest of marriages?
Look inside my heart and you’d see poetry. You’d see or feel something similar but yet quite different to what is inside yours. Poetry of all kinds. Poetry of the illogical, of the indescribably, of the touching.
Come and dance and enjoy the storm of feelings inside me. Though even though you can’t. You can imagine it. There is happiness over this, sadness over that, pain from this, and joy of that. Tiredness in this, and readiness in that. Habit on right now, and change in the past. There is beauty that I see that confounds me. And there is apparent ugliness that attracts me,
There is love and rebellion. My father and mother. My pride and my embarrassment. My inclinations and my declinations? My jokes and my seriousness. My forwardness and my hesitations. My passions and my disinterests. All of this in me, in different variations of tones and colors. The infinite amount of variety and the life time of experiences in me, that is something you would not probably, if not never, be able to see.
If you could believe me I’d tell you I love the world. I love the people. The animals. The knowledge that slowly consumes my soul. And yet I hate it all, how do people do it? How do people experience their existence in this immense tiny world? I couldn’t ever know.
We can have a glimpse of each other hearts…And I suppose something is better than nothing.
The smartest way to understand each other might just be beyond our human capabilities.