If I were to read an incredible amount of books, if I were to be able to live a hundred a million lives, if I were able to know perhaps not everything but quite a lot, then I suppose it would make sense to take life more seriously.
It is me a thinking biological machine. I believe I am spiritless. I am also a bit crazy. I think outside the box. I also think inside the box. I look on the corner and around the edges. I look at what separates the inner part of the box and the outer part of the box. I am a genius. I am a human being. I have officially lost track of what I was writing about.
I have a heart, why does it ache? I mean seriously, nobody punched my heart. Nobody puncture it with a bullet. Nobody squeezed it and so why does it ache? Does it come from my mind? Is it learned behavior or does it come in a very much instinctual way? What does the pain in my heart asks of me to do?
It is interesting to think “what if I had lived a million lives by now”? How many shitty stuff can happen to a human being? How many pleasant things in different variations can one feel? Does one ever get tired of sex, of eating, of sleeping after having those two? How much can what we call a human being change before he stops being a human being? How many variations of a human being’s life can there be? I am curious. Do I trust others experiences? Reading books, reading blogs, newspapers and asking people…are they telling me the true? Is that really what happened? How did it feel when it happened? Can I not have all the bored moments of a million people? Boredom is a pleasure in and out of itself… it is time to digest and wonder what all those experiences that which we had meant. It is time to look around and be in the now.
My heart aches and it is for the lack of love. I have a lack of love because I don’t have much confidence or game when talking to women. It is so because I am not there yet because I haven’t put enough effort. Do I want to put effort into this area of my life? How is it like to be romantic? Is it asking a kiss? Is it making a promise? I really do not want to look into this right now but neither do I want to be taken in by a shadow. The shadow of darkness that can lie within. For every awesome relationships, there are a million heartaches and sad songs. I do not want to be tangled up in an ugly reality. Am I already there?
Should I take life seriously? It is my only life. At least, that is what I think. My whole family is religious. They are constantly talking about life after death and I suppose and wonder it would be nice. But how can I be certain? They say to just believe but to me believe is useless unless it is the believe in myself.
Should I take life seriously? Should I take my aching seriously? I wonder once more about the right path to take. What is the right question to ask? I think I should start looking around. The more I look I suppose it is the better. The more I see the better. No, no, no. There must be something better. I think I am forgetting something. If I am not content with life look at something else. One can find wisdom on the internet but one should not forget such wisdom. If there is something that which you lack, look for it. You have a basic guidance.
I write for myself. My advice is for myself. Do not ever give up. Do not ever forget, that is to say, remember. Think about it logically. And love as much as you can. The heartache might just be a sign to love even harder.
I guess the answer is yes.